This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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