Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think your dad took our porno
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
