32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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