go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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