I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
