just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
