Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
