i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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