just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
this hospital has no fireball
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
