Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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