I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
