I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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