My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
