literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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