Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
