I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
