a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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