With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
