he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
