Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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