just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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