Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
