this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
