He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
please don't ironically join a cult
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