Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
