he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
tell your sister to shave her snatch
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
