dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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