no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
