I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
