i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
