ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
