Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
