i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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