dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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