No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
