Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
