Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
