well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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