okay pat passed out under dana's car
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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