fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
