According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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