the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
