Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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