I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You should frame my arrest warrant.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
