that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
