1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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