Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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