Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
