Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
