Define "chronic" masturbator.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
