Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
