yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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